People who grieve sometimes respond to “normal events” with catastrophic thinking, a psychological term used to describe when a small event provokes thoughts of a dire conclusion. Your daughter is late, so you fear she has been in an accident. You feel a pain and suddenly you know it is cancer. … [Read more...]
All who suffer a loss through death do so in a community. Your community may be small or large. Your community may meet your needs for support, or it may withdraw sooner than you wish. How your community responds to you becomes part of your story of loss. You may need additional support outside … [Read more...]
Once again, we face the fragility of life due to the tragedy in Paris that occurred last weekend. When innocent people are murdered, whether across the ocean or in our own neighborhoods, shock and sorrow mix to create an uneasy state of mind for all of us. These violent events may cause an … [Read more...]
Learning how to be a good friend to grieving people may be as simple as sitting with them when they are sad. My friend Fred does this well. During the significant losses in my life, Fred shows up. He gives a great hug and then settles in for the sit. He tends to come early and stay late. Once I … [Read more...]
Grief begins with attachment. We are designed to attach. Loving and being loved grows from that attachment. Death breaks the attachment to the one we loved in this physical world. Understanding the specific ways we were attached to our loved ones helps us understand the unique story of our … [Read more...]
When we left the church to drive to the cemetery after our son died, I remember looking out of the car window wondering what bystanders might be thinking about this funeral procession. We passed a construction site, and I noticed all of the workers stopped their work, took off their hardhats and put … [Read more...]
Grief clients often tell me they fear they are having a “pity party” or are “feeling sorry for themselves.” Perhaps they are being self-centered or seeking attention, they wonder, or maybe they are lingering in their grief and should be feeling better by now. Many feel pressure, real or imagined, … [Read more...]
We all remember the assignment we were given in English class to compare and contrast. I often hear folks do this exercise with their grief. It is almost always done in a minimizing form, such as “My loss pales in comparison to the story I read in the paper today.” Perhaps there is some value in … [Read more...]
In 1996, I became acquainted with L’Arche Daybreak, a group of severely intellectually disabled residents and caregivers who live in community in Toronto. Fr. Henri Nouwen, a beloved, world-renowned theologian and writer, served as their pastor. A month before I left to visit the community, Henri … [Read more...]
Many years ago I was in a men’s group. One of our group had recently experienced the death of his dad. The leader asked this man if he was “back on track” after the month had passed since his dad’s death. The fellow, who was a soft-spoken sort, looked confused as to how to answer the question. He … [Read more...]